The second day of Jump is over… I was a lot more full out than the first day which was good, but I didn’t get a scholarship in any form. I know I really shouldn’t care but I do… I don’t know why but I feel like I need some sort of validity that I’m actually good and have a chance. I think that sounds really self centered and not appreciative to dance as an art… but I really want to feel good about myself for once in a while.

Like I said, this weekend has been Jump… didn’t go too well… the one thing I’m hung up about is the audition class. Throughout the entire thing we had one change to actually attempt it full out with space in groups and when we did I had someone land on me and I don’t know what that did, but I was thrown off after that. And then during my actual audition I tripped over someone’s bag. It was just a bad experience and I seriously just don’t even want to think about it…

I think I’m starting to get over the hype of Jump. Jump is all about choreography. They’re 45 minute classes where they throw the choreography at you and they don’t really care if you get it that much because the good students (the scholarship winners, the so you think you can dance contestants) are getting it, and that’s all that really matters. I think this is really making me realize that I like teachers and the attention that they really give to the students and how they really care… I’m hoping that the second day is better.

This weekend is Jump. For thost who don’t know, Jump is one of the two biggest dance conventions that travel around the US. They’re definitely some of the biggest choreographer’s in the dance business, not really the media. I did the convention last year but I was nothing like the dancer I am this year so I really want to see what will be different this year. I really want to get a scholarship, even if it’s not a big one or one that will pay for anything special. It would just mean a lot to me. I want to feel like I’m doing something right.

This quarter I’m taking a class called “All About Me” which is a combined English and Ethnic studies class… I’m really looking forward to seeing how it goes because it’s been a week and I’ve already found about 4 people who just completely interest me in the class and I want to know more about them and just hear them talk. I could say more but I’d get on to a huge rant about what I’d be learning this quarter which won’t really be too much fun… I just think this is going to be a good quarter.

I don’t know why but I just want somebody that I can protect… I don’t know why but that’s what I look for in a relationship. I want to help someone… and I think they need to help me learn to love.

I’m having trouble thinking… I’ll update this later…

Realized I can’t write a song… I’ll make a dance

I want to write a song… I think I’ll work on that

I’ve been single for a while, and I have been fine with that. I haven’t really been struggling for a relationship every day, feeling lonely and whatnot… but I’m starting to realize that I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I kind of want to feel what it’s like. I want someone to care for but I’m afraid that I may be too busy to really be able to.

Moral of the story: I need to stop watching emotional TV programs late at night.